Fill Your Cup First



At first glance this header may come off as a self-centered, narcissistic, perpetuation of rugged individualism; and in all honestly your first assumption may actually be correct.

Yes, this is a self-centered site, on a self centered blog, with a self centered intention. However, this is not the same ego driven self-centeredness that is peddled through vast forms of media; which then in turn influence society, and eventually become culture.

Too often we put our focuses on those things that are outside of ourselves, and in the process we forget about the one thing that we have full control, and dominion over….i.

Almost all of us have been raised on the ideology that to give is better than to receive, which is a statement I fully believe in and endorse, yet the part that is not emphasized is a question of what exactly it is that we are giving? Can an empty vessel pour water that it does not have into empty cup?…(rhetorical question, but for those of you who had to think about that one, we may have to work on another set of skills. I digress.)

In order to have something to give we must first have something already within us that may fill another’s cup; but the reality of the situation is that most of us feel a lack, a void, and an empty space within. We continuously go forth, and try to fill others cups with the juice that we ourselves have never tasted. ( I know, hella deep right)

STORY TIME: A 54-year-old man has just signed his 5th set of divorce papers in the last three decades of his life. Marriage after marriage he blamed his spouses for being the reasons behind why none of his marriages ever worked out. When he was approached by his oldest son, who himself was entering into his first marriage, he asked ” Hey dad, I’m scare. I don’t know if I’ll be able to satisfy my fiancé once were actually married. I mean, I feel like once she’s been with me for a long time she’ll eventually get tired of me and want to leave.” The young man’s father looks at his son with a scowling face and replies, ” sport, there is nothing in this world that can please a woman, nothing! and when she decides to leave you you’re better off for it…trust me.” The young man’s fears perpetuated, and for the rest of his young marriage he is insecure about the status of his relationship; which in turn manifests his fear into a dreaded reality.

Granted there is nothing inherently wrong the divorce expert in the story, due to the fact that he may actually be looking to help his son; however the place that he is coming from is a place of insecurity, fear, and a lack of introspection. If the older man had the ability to look within himself, and see his flaws eye to eye he would be better suited for GIVING advice on how to succeed in his marriage; perhaps by giving a what not to do guide. The reality of the situation is that the opposite effect occurs, the father thinks he is filling his son with knowledge, when in fact he is evaporating the little that is in his son’s cup.

This is just one of many types of situations that demonstrate how most of us will try to guide others when we ourselves are lost. Though we may be coming from a well intended place, the only way we can truly be of greater service to those around us is by being of service to ourselves.

INTENTION: The purpose of this blog is to dig deep into the individual psyche, and expose those things that we may not want to face head on. This is a site focused on the growth of the individual’s mind, soul, and body through any and every avenue. This is a center of self discovery, the ultimate and purest form of self-centeredness.

– Tinashe Hwande

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